Step 1: Identify the relationship conflict between the partners

Step 2: Identify the negative interaction cycle where these issues exist

Step 3: Access attachment emotions underlying the position each partner takes in the cycle

Step 4: Reframe the problem in the terms of the cycle, unacknowledged emotions and attachment needs

During this stage, the therapist creates a comfortable and stable environment for the couple to have an open discussion about any hesitations the couples may have about the therapy, including the trustworthiness of the therapist. The therapist also gets a sense of the couple’s positive and negative interactions from past and present and is able to summarize and present the negative patterns to them. The goal is to have the couple no longer view themselves as victims of their negative interaction cycle, but rather, work together to change it.

Step 5: Access disowned or implicit needs (e.g., need for reassurance), emotions (e.g., shame), and models of self

Step 6: Promote each partner’s acceptance of the other’s experience

Step 7: Facilitate each partner’s expression of needs and want to restructure the interaction based on new understandings and create bonding events

This state involve restructuring and widening the emotional experiences of the couple. This is done through couples recognizing their attachment needs and then changing their interactions based on those needs. At first, their new way of interacting may be strange and hard to accept, but as they become more aware and in control of their interactions, they are able to stop old patterns of behaviour from reemerging.

Step 8: Facilitate the formulation of new stories and new solutions to old problems

Step 9: Consolidate new cycles of behaviour

This stage forces on the reflection of new emotional experiences and self-concepts. It integrates the couple’s new ways of dealing with problems within themselves and in the relationship.