By Victoria Ewen, Clinical Psychologist, Sullivan + Associates Clinical Psychology

It is not uncommon for children and parents alike to struggle with difficult emotions. Parents understandably can get frustrated with managing the challenges of day-to-day life, and children experience many stressors that they haven’t yet learned to cope with. Fortunately, you can learn skills that help improve your ability to handle these difficult feelings. As parents, you play an important role in teaching your children these skills and modelling how to use them. With that in mind, here are some strategies that can be helpful for both parents and children when dealing with hard feelings.

1. Identify your emotions.

Some people struggle with knowing how they feel, especially children who are still learning what feelings are. We can use cues like the environment, thoughts about the 

situation, or physical sensations to figure it out. When children know what they are feeling, they can better manage their emotions.

2. Understand your emotions.

Evolutionarily speaking, emotions alert us to something that needs our attention. When we experience strong feelings or when our children express strong feelings, it is often because we have an unmet need. Identifying that need may help improve those feelings.

3. Express your emotions.

Being able to express our emotions effectively or assertively helps build healthy relationships and get our needs met. This means sharing our feelings while respecting the other person’s feelings. We can do this with statements like “I feel…” or “I need…” We can learn assertiveness skills and teach them to our children so they can better connect with each other and ask for the things we need.

4. Accept your emotions.

Life will inevitably include difficult feelings. Accepting this fact allows us to change how we interact with our feelings. Instead of negative emotions needing to be suppressed or avoided, we can learn to coexist until the next emotion comes. Teaching children acceptance of feelings, even negative ones, allows them to learn healthy coping methods. It can be challenging, but learning to manage your emotions and support your children in learning these skills can make a meaningful difference in your lives.