Emotions are important, because they provide you with valuable information about your emotional well-being. Emotions also facilitate communication with others. Each emotion has a specific purpose, even those that are less than pleasant. When you notice an emotion, try to label it and consider what it may be trying to tell you about your circumstance.

All of us experience positive and negative emotions each day. However, for some individuals, they experience frequent fluctuations in emotions more than others; in these cases, their emotions can seem extreme and overwhelming. These emotions typically include guilt, sadness, anger, and fear. As a result, they typically feel compelled to find something that will stop the intensity of these negative emotions.

The general process of emotion regulation starts with an event or situation that provokes an emotion. Such events may be internal (e.g., thinking about something that makes you anxious) or external (e.g., interacting with someone who is angry). As our emotions, thoughts, physiological responses, and behaviours are all connected, a cognitive response (e.g., an anxious thought) and physiological response (e.g., increased heart rate) then take place in response to the elicited emotion. Subsequent behaviours may include avoidance, physical action, or expression. Emotion regulation involves maintaining thoughts, behaviours, and expressions in a healthy range.

Fostering emotion regulation skills typically involve recognizing that you’re having an emotional response and understanding why this is the case. It also involves accepting your emotions rather than judging or rejecting them. Then, individuals with healthy emotion regulation are able to access positive coping strategies in the moment to reduce the intensity of the emotion and control impulsive behaviours.

Emotion dysregulation is the term used to describe difficulty using healthy strategies to diffuse or moderate negative emotions. Everyone experiences emotion dysregulation at some point or another. However, unlike children, adults are expected to be able to manage their emotions in socially appropriate ways. Emotional dysregulation is frequently triggered by interacting with others, such as a family member, child, ex-partner, or someone who has control or authority.

In children, emotion dysregulation can present as frequent tantrums, school avoidance, or aggressive behaviours. In adolescence or adulthood, it may present as social withdrawal, substance abuse, self-injury, or physical/verbal aggression. Ongoing emotion dysregulation may lead to difficulties in friendships, work performance, and/or daily functioning.

For example, if a friend walks by you without saying hello, you may feel anger or disappointment. This may lead to internal questions such as “What did I do wrong?” or “Am I being oversensitive?”. The subsequent behaviour may vary: going home to ruminate about it; distracting yourself; avoiding that friend, etc. This may develop into a vicious cycle, as our avoidance of the feelings associated with the friend may lead to additional negative thoughts that support our initial interpretation of the event (e.g., “Our friendship is over”).

While not everyone with emotion dysregulation has a mental health disorder, it increases one’s risk for developing certain disorders listed in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). This may include personality disorders (e.g., Borderline Personality Disorder); mood and anxiety disorders (e.g., Major Depressive Disorder); and trauma-related disorders (e.g., Posttraumatic Stress Disorder).

Females typically report experiencing both positive and negative emotions more intensely than males, and report more issues with depression and ruminative thinking. This may explain why females also report more issues with emotion dysregulation (Robinson et al., 2014).

One way to “break the cycle” of emotion dysregulation is to reflect on your ability to properly identify emotions. Are there some emotions you’re better identifying than others? For example, many people are able to identify anxiety within themselves, but have a difficult time identifying shame.

Another way of “breaking the cycle” is continuing to pursue your goals even when you are experiencing negative emotions. In this situation, instead of immediately abandoning or avoiding the goal, try taking deep breaths and reminding yourself that emotions come and go like waves. By sticking with it, you may discover that the emotion lessens in intensity and that you are able to continue with your task or project.

A third way of “breaking the cycle” is being able to have open conversations with others about your and their emotions. Further, reflect on your ability to soothe emotions. Are you able to make yourself feel better? Are you able to comfort others when they are distressed?

Other than the above-mentioned strategies, there are other positive coping skills that can be implemented to contribute to your overall mental health and well-being. This may include exercising, deep breathing, talking with friends, eating regular meals, and getting adequate sleep. You can also try journaling, spending time in nature, listening to music, engaging in enjoyable activities that foster a sense of achievement, and noticing when you need a break (and taking it).

In certain cases, particularly if your emotion dysregulation is severe, you may want to consult with a family physician or psychiatrist to see if medication can be beneficial. Notably, medication can be used to supplement cognitive and behavioural coping strategies, not replace them.

Many emotion regulation skills can be modelled and taught to children and adolescents in age-appropriate ways. For instance, teach them that their emotions are valid, normal, and manageable. Provide them with a safe space for discussing their emotions and empathize with their feelings. Help them learn calming skills such as deep breathing, counting backwards, or listening to music. Remind them that negative emotions are never “wrong”; instead, you want them to find different ways to express these emotions (e.g., replacing with a different behaviour).